Letting go, again.

I don't know if it's Sophie and her attachment to things, if it's because she's the second and I'm more aware, or if it's just because I know it's a phase we'll never be "in" again....
but man, it's hard to let go of the silliest things for me.

This aquarium hung on the same crib for both girls. (Granted, only one of them used it as a stepping stool to climb out. Any guesses?) It's the sweetest thing. The music from it is carved in my mind, sort of. I couldn't hum it for you if you asked me, but if it played the first note I'd be taken instantly back to a thousand memories.
Even the thumping of the levers makes so much well up in me. And I don't think I ever *saw* either of them play with it. I heard it on the monitors.
Well, it's been off the crib for a while, due to it's ability to aid escape. It's been sitting on the kitchen counter ever since.
I've got a clutter problem. And this is why.

So finally I resolved to throw it away. "It's not like it's a wood toy that would last." I reasoned. "There will be something new out waaaaaay before a grandbaby came." I knew that.
I walked to the trash can.
I can't. It hurt my heart.
A few more days passed. Clutter got annoying.
I did it. It laid there in the trash can. And I was ok.

Then Sophie came in. And ran right for it. Ouch.
"Me see" she said as she got it out of the trash.
She sat down with it on the floor and began playing with it.
"Great," I think to myself, "I'll never ever be able to throw anything away again."
I had one of those deep memory moments watching her push every button.
Then she got up and said "tash" and threw it back in the trash.
Thank you, um, God(?). And I laughed at my sweet little Hurricane as she walked back out to play with Sarah.

It's gone now. But even when I look at the picture I do wish there was one more coming that could have played with it. And yet, I'm thankful I have the memories of two.