Christmas 2011

Another blessed year is coming to an end. It goes too fast. Way too fast. I want to stop them from growing any more, but I'm also amazed at how they are growing!!
Sarah, now 8, is amazing. Perfect, no. Perfectly human, absolutely. She is...well, she is my heart. She is exactly like me, for better or worse. I will protect her like a mama bear would her cub. Even from herself. She loves all things with a screen. Sigh. She is impulsive, but will never miss an experience from fear. She talks to strangers, but she will never meet one. She watches out for herself, but one day she'll have to. All the things that scare me for her as her 8 year old self, will give me comfort when she goes into the world without me. And I have to remind myself of that every. single. hour. I love my Sarah. I treasure her. I'm excited for what she will bring to her world.
Sophie is now 4. That makes me cry. I see pictures of her baby self and I tear up. She makes the days drag on. She makes the hours blow by. She wears me out in such a fun way. And it's all going too fast. The very things she does that make me crazy in the moment are the exact things I want to relive over and over so I'll never forget. Things she says. That she calls a "computer" a "computable". That all she wants to be is a mommy. That she needs "one more smell" of puppy before she throws him down. And so many of the other things I know I've already forgotten. The smell of her head when we snuggle. The way she eats EVERYTHING not classified as food, but will eat actual food slower than a sick snail. She has started reading CVC words. Sarah was reading small books at this age...but I really don't want to let Soph learn yet. :( I don't want her 1st loose tooth to ever get loose. I never want her to stop hugging me.
I am closing the year out with the beginning of my 16 week training for a half-marathon. Running it...completing it...will be the hardest mental task of my life. And I will turn 40 a week later. I'm doing it for me. But I'm doing it to show my girls that finishing what you start is sometimes hard, but it is worth it all. I wonder what 2012 holds for us. I can't imagine being blessed any more than we are. Lord, thank you for every moment.

Oh Sophie....Sophie, Sophie, Sophie

This girl. Last week she was busted eating out of the trash at school. Yes, you read that right. What was funny about it when the teacher told me was my first question "Was it food?". I honestly think the teacher was stunned that I had to ask!!
It was food, by the way. :). Gummies.
I just calmly suggested she ask her friend, Camille, if she could have the Gummies she was about to throw away. Sigh.
The licking. Oh my. She likes to play puppy with her friends (thankfully not PERFECT strangers...although, I don't know if regular strangers are safe.). I calmly suggested that it might be really germy to lick people. I guess it was the germ factor that tipped her, whereas the ick factor was less of a concern. Sigh.
She is quite the trip.
What does Sarah do?? She's one of the most graceful, beautiful ballerinas I've ever seen. And 30 mins later she can be one of the most powerful basketball players on court. She, not too long ago, said "Look mama, at this cool pull-up." I looked up in the tree and saw her hanging by one arm and then pulled herself up!!! She had no idea how hard that is...she just thought it looked cool. And that is pretty much how she rolls. If she's interested, she can do anything. Pretty naturally.
We were recently gifted a piano. She's dying to play. I'm purposefully telling her to wait until next year hoping it will build up desire. :) I'll let you know. :)
Today she wanted to take her picture book from her adoption trip. I can not tell you how proud of her I am that she is that proud of her life. Every second of it. She may not want to talk on and on about it...but she accepts it as the first sentences of her story. She has, at least, internalized that there is a lifetime that defines her. Now, I know we are not done with working through this. There are a lot of insensitive, uneducated, and just plain mean things she will likely hear or be asked. I can only pray that she'll have heard her truth enough to recognize the ridiculous. That she will ask about anything that doesn't sit right inside. That she doesn't see it as being given up as much as she sees it as being given life. Not by some cold-hearted birth mother, but by an incredibly selfless woman. We are not "entitled" to our children. We don't have a right to what they can give us or do for us. They are a gift. Some gifts we are ready for. Some we just can not appreciate. Is it better to take that gift and throw it away? Or recognize its worth and pass it on to someone who has always wanted it?
Who knows why Sarah wants to share. But I would sure be glad if just one person changed how they thought of adoption after experiencing Sarah.
By the way, Sarah had a great day too!! :)